Honestly me.

My attempt to lighten the tone and break the chain of serious thoughts left me a bit unsatisfied. Yes, the water bottle incident had me livid for a moment, a minor distraction from my mind's inner-workings, but the frustration was gone in a matter of minutes. It left no lasting impression. So now for a little Q & A:

Q: Why did I choose to record such an insignificant event?
A: I guess I somehow felt it was necessary that I switch things up. I've never felt too comfortable discussing things so intimate.

But why? What is so wrong with the way things really are? I love reading all that my family has to share, heavy or light. Its them, and so full of life. I love when someone can open up to me, I honestly feel privileged. I've never thought less of anyone for trusting me with a part of themselves. So why, when I'm the one sharing, does it have the tendency to leave me feeling embarrassed and vulnerable?

This is where I'm at right now. This is where my head is, and where my voice should be. I'm not sure if it's just a matter of time before I'm "back-to-normal", or if over the past seven weeks my character has changed. I feel it's the latter. Time passes and my thoughts continue to be sober, composed. I've become more level-headed.

I've found that statements of the heart don't always have to be so profound or dramatic. They don't have to be laced with overpowering emotion, triggered by one significant event. They just need to be honest. So here I am, open and honest. This is me. And this is where I am right now:


I feel good; I feel content. I've been proactive in tying up loose ends and I feel more complete. I am hopeful.

I feel so comfortable in my own skin. I'm progressing. I've made some wonderful friends with characteristics I admire that I am striving to make a part of my life as well. I'm trying not to depend on others for my happiness, and I'm trying to remember that I'm not responsible for the happiness of others'.

I'm a lot less sarcastic, it's made me feel much better about myself. I strive to be honest, honest in my intentions, with others, and with who I am. I hope others feel comfortable enough to be honest with me. There are things I've seen in myself that I'm striving to correct. It feels good to be able to recognize my strengths and my weaknesses, to see myself put up a fight. I do believe that weak things can be made strong.




And some days I feel weary, emotionally exhausted. It's been such a hard couple of months, and I find myself needing someone, anyone's shoulder. And when I forget myself and serve others, I've found I benefit more, even though sometimes that's hard to keep in perspective.

I'm not always happy, but I feel at peace. More than I have in a long time, I feel like I am headed in the right direction.


So this is me, unashamed. And this is where I am right now.